All of us face rejection in this life and at work but there are psychological effects of rejection that are an outcome of that dismissal. And why do we care so much about this rejection? Shouldn’t we just let it go and move on? And how do we overcome this rejection?
These 3 Needs are Attacked by the Effects of Rejection
We all have these 3 desires that need to be filled. These needs are at the root of the effects of rejection.
1. Love
Everyone wants to be loved.
In the beginning of the world, God determined that Adam needed a helper.
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Genesis 2:18 ESV
Adam was given the job of naming all the animals. In doing that, a suitable helper was not found for Adam. So God created woman from Adam’s rib (Genesis 2:19-23).
These two, Adam and Eve, were created for each other to love, hold onto each other, and become one flesh (Genesis 2:24)
God himself loved us so much that He sent His Son, Jesus, to come to earth as a man and die for all of us. He was the sacrifice in place of our sins so that we could be in a relationship with a Holy God.
In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 1 John 4:10 ESV
The only way a sinful person can be in the presence of a Holy God is if we have accepted Jesus as our Lord and Savior. Jesus said,
I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one can come to the Father except through me. John 14:6 ESV
2. Acceptance
We all want to be accepted as well. No one wants to be last to be chosen in a game of kickball in the neighborhood. Significance in the eyes of others shows that we are accepted.
But God loves and cares for all people. He views all of us the same.
Many verses in the Bible explain that God is just and not partial to one person over another.
For God shows no partiality. Romans 2:11 ESV
He doesn’t care what religion you are or whether you are a man or a woman. He accepts all of us the same.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28 ESV
In fact, we are chosen royalty and His special possession!
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9 ESV
And we know that Jesus came to die for ALL of us.
The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. 1 Timothy 1:15 ESV
3. Self-Worth
In the last series, we talked about contentment and how we want to find satisfaction in our work.
In the Value of Contentment, we discovered that we all have this innate desire to fulfill our purpose here on earth. We want to know that what we do makes a difference.
And God created each one of us for a purpose. You are here to fulfill a specific task and you want to know how to find your God-given purpose.
When we get rejected, we don’t feel desirable or of value. But as we read in the sections above under love and acceptance, we have great value! In fact, God sees us as royalty!
Negative Effects of Rejection
So what happens to these 3 needs when we get rejected? They come under attack. We begin to tell ourselves lies which are the opposte of these three needs.
- I am not loved.
- I am not accepted.
- I am not worthy.
But they are not true so don’t believe them!
There are some emotions that we feel as a result:
Embarrassed, angry, and fearful
When my job changed two years ago, I was angry. When I met with my former boss and HR and was told my choices, I asked some questions. And after one question got a blank stare and the room when quiet, I stormed out of the room and the door slammed behind me. Oops!
I took a few days off. When I reported to work in the new department, I was embarrassed to come to work.
What if someone saw me? What do they think of me? I am embarrassed to be here. This is hard. I should have taken the severance and ran.
These were all the questions that plagued my mind as I walked into the building in fear.
Phobias, Anxiety and Self-Pity
Rejection can also cause you to think everyone doesn’t accept you. This is not true. Because of one rejection, everyone is not against you.
When I got into the meeting that Monday morning with my new boss, she told me how excited she was to have me on the team. That my 20 years of experience in the company will provide perspective on what improvements needed to be made. And then she gave me another compliment. She said her mother had died a few years ago and she wanted a female role model.
Wow! Here I was fearful, embarrassed to be in the building, and questioning my worth. Those questions above about not being loved, accepted, or worthy was my self-pity coming out.
Instead, I was complimented and esteemed to being a role model for my boss. And yes, tears came to my eyes of thankfulness.
What should we do about it?
Instead of wallowing in self-pity, there are 5 steps we need to take combat rejection.
1. Take an inventory of the situation – How do you feel?
Talk through those feelings to God and a close friend. It is good to clear the air and get it off your chest.
2. Review scriptures about who you are in Christ
Chances are you will be pretty angry or down about this situation. You will be repeating the lies of self-pity above. Don’t go there.
When the anger comes and you repeat those lies, then repeat this verse below to yourself and out loud, if that helps:
Take every thought captive to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5 ESV
After you have done that, replace those thoughts with God’s truth. Remember, you are loved, you are chosen and you are accepted!
3. What can you learn?
When you were rejected, was there truth to the rejection? Meaning – is there something you can learn from the situation? Or was the person being outright mean to you?
4. Confront the person, if necessary
This step may not be necessary. It depends on the situation. Like with my job situation above, a confrontation was not needed.
If the person rejected you in a manner that was mean and hurtful, then have a follow-up conversation with them. Let them know how you feel and that you were hurt. We want to live in peace with all if we can.
If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Romans 12:18 ESV
If there is cause for you to apologize in this situation, be sure that you do that.
If the person brushes you off, then walk away. You said your peace. It is now on their shoulders and you don’t have to think about it again.
5. If needed, seek professional help
Sometimes the hurt is too deep and compounded from other hurts in the past. If that is the case, seek out professional help. Some companies provide a benefit of an employee assistance program where you can get professional help to support you. Or contact your pastor or minister of your church for counseling. If they don’t feel capable of providing that service, they will have resources that they can refer you to.
Summary: Effects of Rejection
Now that you are aware of our innate needs and how the effects of rejection attack them, you are ready with the resources and tools listed above.
What is your favorite tool or step above?
Resource Library
Check out the free resource library for Bible verse cards, bookmarks, etc. They are all for your taking and will help you learn God’s Word as you study it on the go!
This month’s verses are in the library and the word is Rejection.
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